“I don’t know what to do. She fights us at every turn. She thinks she’s the one we should be taking care of. Not my dad. Her mind is not right.”

Warren and I sat in the backyard, where we took a coffee break each afternoon—our daily respite from full-time caregiving. I listened in as my husband shared his concerns with Sharon, my father-in-law’s case manager. We were completely overwhelmed, and as Warren and Sharon talked, I prayed for some direction, some wisdom in dealing with the demands of my overbearing mother-in-law. She was clearly mentally ill, but the cruel words and slamming doors were taking a toll on our mental health.

“Take the weekend off. Get away. Just the two of you.”

I opened my mouth, but words escaped me.

Warren rubbed his neck with his free hand. “But I have to stay here and take care of my dad.”

“Your brother with be there. He can handle it for the weekend. You need to get away.”

“How will that help anything? She’ll just be mad at me for leaving. It will be that much harder when we get back.”

Sharon insisted. “You have to take care of yourself.”

We took Sharon’s advice. Okay, not the entire weekend, but we took a night and a day to stay away from my in-laws’ house and stay in a hotel. Was my mother-in-law any better when we returned? No. But we were in a better frame of mind. A healthier place. Strengthened for the next battle.

That weekend away taught us something crucial: self-care isn’t selfish when you’re dealing with a narcissist—it’s survival. Over the months that followed, we learned that caring for ourselves wasn’t just about our own well-being; it was about honoring the life and strength God had given us to steward.

If you’re in a similar situation, feeling trapped by someone’s narcissistic demands and wondering how you’ll make it through another day, know that you’re not alone. More importantly, know that taking care of yourself isn’t optional—it’s essential. Through our journey, we discovered several truths that sustained us, and I pray they’ll encourage you too.

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Taking care of yourself first seems almost counterintuitive to the Christian. Aren’t we supposed to put others before ourselves? But there is a reason that flight attendants tell you to put on your own oxygen mask before trying to help someone else. If you don’t care for yourself, you will be unable to care for anyone else. Even Jesus took time away from the people and demands of ministry to recharge His batteries with the Father so that He would have more of Himself to give to those who needed Him.

Small acts of self-care build up.

You can’t always get away for a weekend, but do what you can. Step into another room and practice some deep breathing. Take a short coffee break, which is what Warren and I tried to do each day. Call a trusted friend. Step outside for a breath of fresh air.

Build a support team.

We had Sharon in our toolbox, who could offer us a different perspective than what we were seeing. We also had therapists, other family members, and a few trusted friends. You were never meant to walk this road alone.

Recognize that everything becomes a weapon for the narcissist.

My husband recognized that his mother would be mad at us. Our time away would be just another weapon in her arsenal. But knowing it ahead of time prepared us to deflect the blows she aimed at us when we returned.

Let others share the responsibility, even imperfectly.

We knew that Warren’s brother, a narcissist himself, was unable to provide the level of care that we did for their father. But the care would be adequate, at least long enough for us to get a little break.

Draw strength from your prayer life.

Don’t just ask for help from the Lord. Let God be the place where you unload your burdens. “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). “Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8).

You Are Worth Protecting!

Living with or caring for a narcissist can make you forget your own value. Their constant criticism, manipulation, and demands can convince you that your needs don’t matter. But God says otherwise. You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), created with purpose and deserving of care—even from yourself.

The truth is, we would never have survived those months without the Lord’s strength sustaining us daily. When human wisdom felt insufficient, His Word provided clarity. When our emotions were raw, His peace guarded our hearts. When guilt tried to convince us we were being selfish, His Spirit reminded us that we were being wise.

Taking care of yourself when dealing with a narcissist isn’t about being mean or uncaring—it’s about recognizing that you cannot love others well when you’re running on empty. It’s about understanding that God gave you boundaries for a reason, and honoring those boundaries honors Him.

So take that walk. Accept help when it’s offered. Say no when you need to. Pray without ceasing. Find your people who speak truth into your life. And remember: surviving this season with your faith and sanity intact isn’t just possible—with God’s help, it’s promised.

You don’t have to carry this burden alone. The same God who sustained us will sustain you too.