“I feel like I’m in a pit, and the sides of the walls are all covered in slime. I’m trying to claw my way out, and I just keep sliding back down.”

I spoke these words to my husband just yesterday.

I usually start the new year off like I’m running a race, and the starting pistol just fired. I don’t make resolutions, but I do set goals. I have my shiny new planner all set up, my goals perfectly articulated, and my action steps planned. My desk is clean and organized, and my mind is clear and focused, just as it should be when the new year begins. I start with a bang, and the momentum carries me well into the year.

I don’t know what happened to me this year, but it is the middle of January. I purchased a shiny new planner, but I haven’t written a single goal in its planning pages. I just began building a new task list today, after weeks of carrying those to-dos around in my head. (Will they all make it to the list? Or are some forever lost in la-la land?) My desk is covered with a quarter-inch of dust, along with myriad other things that don’t belong there. I joined a new writing group a week ago, but haven’t yet found the time to watch the introductory videos. My mind is scattered, disorganized, and overwhelmed.

My inner perfectionist screams. “What’s the point? You’re behind already. You’re never going to catch up!”

When did a date on the calendar get so much power??

I take a deep breath and look out the window where the last remnants of a Southern winter storm are melting away, along with my lofty expectations.

Perhaps I will ease into 2025, rather than sprinting. Set goals as I go, rather than planning out my entire year, only to be disappointed when “life” shatters my carefully designed agenda. Who says I have to have a “word for the year,” or a map that will govern the next 12 months of my life? There is nothing wrong with these things—I’m still a goal-setter—but when my lack of a goal affects my whole outlook on life, it’s time to take a step back.

I’m reminded of the poem that fills a small piece of artwork on my mantle—the only thing my husband and I have that belonged to his great-grandmother, “Nanny” Penney.

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
“Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put thine hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to thee better than light and safer than a known way.”

-M. Louise Haskins*

And so this year I will choose to see each day as a gift, and present it back to my Maker as such, that He may lead me wherever He will, and accomplish in and through me whatever He desires. I will walk in faith rather than driving myself on an anxiety-riddled road to my own determined destination. I will take deep breaths and long walks. I will write to my heart’s content. Hmmm…seems I just set myself a few goals.

How about you? Did you start the new year off with a bang? Or, like me, have you struggled to find your footing? There’s no right or wrong, despite what the voice inside your head is telling you! Take a deep breath and look at each day as a gift. What will you do with it?

*I researched this poem and discovered that these words are only the opening lines of a longer poem titled “God Knows.” Read the poem in its entirety here and learn more about the author here.