‘Tis the season. No, not that season! I’m in no hurry to put up the Christmas tree and turn on the Christmas carols and enter the holiday frenzy of activity. And while I love all things fall—pumpkin spice lattes, college football (War Eagle!), the changing of the leaves, sweater weather (unless you live where I do, where it’s currently 101° on October 3rd!)—I’m not referring to that season either.

This week is the 5th anniversary of the stroke which ultimately took my Daddy’s life. Following the October 2nd stroke was another month in the hospital (He had already been there a week.), his passing on November 4th, his birthday on November 14th, and then Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day, all of which would never be the same without him.

Life goes on, but for three months of every year since 2015, our heads hang a little lower, memories and tears float a little nearer the surface, and our hearts feel a little heavier.

A friend reminded me this week that grief, like anxiety (read my last post), is not something you just “get over.” It doesn’t just go away. You learn to walk through it. You feel the pain, and continue to put one foot in front of the other. Eventually the steps come a little easier, but there will be seasons (October-December for my family) when your steps slow a bit, and that’s okay. I try to make that a time to cherish the memories a little more.

Like the time Daddy had my brother and me get ready early on a Saturday morning to go somewhere. When we asked where, he replied, “We’re just going to see some relatives.” He then drove us to the zoo!

Or the time he cried at my wedding. I had never seen my father cry before, and his tears shook me to the core.

There was the time he leaned down and kissed my newborn son when it was time for him to say good-bye and make the 2000 mile trip back to my parents’ home.

And I giggle a little when I think of the time my dad had to chase my 2-year-old great-nephew down the street yelling, “Stop, Gabe!” Gabe wouldn’t stop, and my dad had the opportunity to meet the neighbor whose house Gabe wandered into, uninvited, on his flight from Papaw.

I also think of the time in the hospital when he did his best to throw his lifeless arm around me when I went to hug him, and the nights I spent with him, singing his favorite hymns to him, tears of joy streaming down my face whenever I got a hand squeeze.

Somehow the bitterness of loss is lessened by the sweetness of the memories.

A dear college friend had a handwritten sign on her dorm room wall that read simply, “Today IS normal.” It served as a reminder that we shouldn’t spend our lives waiting in expectation for the day when everything will be “back to normal.” Each day has its joys and its challenges, and we don’t know if tomorrow will be better or worse, easier or more difficult. Jesus said it this way: “Don’t worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today.” (Matthew 6:34, CEV).

“Today is Normal” has become a sort of internal mantra for me in these unprecedented times. While I grieve my Daddy a little more during this time of year, right now I also grieve the loss of freedom, of “love one another,” of peace in our streets, of clean air in my wildfire-ravaged state. These times are filled with uncertainty, and I don’t want to always be waiting for things to get back to normal, but to live each day to the fullest. After all, Jesus came to earth to give us abundant—full and meaningful—life (John 10:10)!

So today I cry for my Daddy, I hug my husband a little more tightly, I pray for my country, and I feel compassion for those who have suffered far more loss than I have ever experienced. And then I take another step toward tomorrow.

Is it simply me, or are you, too, walking under a cloud of bereavement today? If you’re overwhelmed by grief today I urge you to seek out a grief counselor or support group. No matter what the source of your grief, you were never meant to walk this road alone! If you don’t know where to start, contact me and I will do what I can to point you in the right direction.

If your steps are light today, perhaps you can reach out to another who needs encouragement and support. A quick glimpse at social media will show you someone who would benefit from your reaching out with a kind word!